Saturday, July 30, 2011

Chapter 6 and other misadventures

It occurred to me this morning that I had never published the staple incident. This happened a month or so ago, but I felt I must include it in my ramblings.

Over the Fourth of July weekend, which would have been 2 weeks following the infamous accident, Bionic man was complaining that his staples were bothering him. Normally, I am told, staples are removed within a week or so of surgery. He did not have an appointment with his orthopedist until the 9th of July. What to do. I vetoed his plan to pull them out himself, even though he protested that he had one of those tools in his arsenal somewhere. I thought since we were going to Iowa over the Fourth that perhaps we should deal with it before we left on Sunday. There had been so many issues to deal with just because the original incident had happened in SC and we lived in MN, I didn't want even more confusion over something else possibly occurring in IA. Since we needed something on a Saturday, we were phone ferried around all creation, only to discover that our orthopedist has an emergency/after hours place to go. We went there. It was pretty cool because it was small and we didn't have to wait 14 years to see someone like you would have in an ordinary emergency room. There was another wife waiting for her husband. I asked her what he had done. She said he has one prosthetic leg and had gone roller blading!! and had fallen and hurt his real knee. You can't make this stuff up. Sure enough, when he came out he was wrapped from ankle to thigh and hopping on his prosthetic leg. End of my story--we got the staples out and now his leg looks like it has a zipper on the side. It'll be cool for Halloween.

Second topic: hair product. I couldn't find my regular hair gel at Walmart the other day. I bought something different. This morning I decided that maybe I should try out the new stuff before I'm totally out of the old stuff, so if I don't like it I won't be stuck using it when my original gel expires. This is a nightmare. I knew right away when I was drying my hair that things were going to be different. My hair is all stiff and freaky today. I think I could do spikes. If you scratch your head, it sticks out there. It's like playdoh or something. I must go find the old stuff. Yikes!

Third topic: Squirrels. I actually feed my squirrels just so they stay away from my bird feeders, and it mostly works. But this summer we have had a raccoon problem. I do not want to encourage raccoons to come to my buffet. So, we have been putting the squirrel feeder inside the old gas grill at night. In the morning I must remember to get it out because the squirrels come mighty early for breakfast. And they sit at the window and give me castigating looks until I am guilted into getting it out for them. On Saturdays I am usually later than usual. When I went to get it out one of the little blighters was actually inside the grill eating. It totally freaked me out. I don't know who was more scared, him or me. So, we must find a new place to put it. Next time he could bite me. The cheekiness is something else.

And we have noticed that the squirrels like to lay in the feeder when it gets really hot and humid. I think the corn feels cold or something.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Banned for Life

I think I was nearly banned for life from Target today. I was at the pharmacy. For some people, they will already be nodding knowingly. My whole episode started a month ago when Bionic Man broke his hip. In fact I think I can safely blame this whole summer on him. But since I was in another state, and it really really looked like we weren't going to get home on schedule, I was going to be running out of my prescriptions pills. All of these national chains claim that in the event something like this happens, all you need to do is go to the local one and since they are all interconnected via their computer systems, it's really very easy to get the stuff you need. They were right, last month. So, this week, which is about a month later, I got the automated call saying my prescriptions were ready. I didn't bother listening to the entire message. I went over on Wednesday to pick them up. They acted like they had never heard of me before. Upon some searching they discovered that my prescriptions were all ready to pick up, in South Carolina. And since they were transferred down there, apparently, they would need to call my doctor who would have to reauthorize them. They would call me. Yesterday I got 2 calls, one from SC and one from here. The person in SC is more urgent this time. I went over to Target this morning. They have 1 of 3 ready. Only one doctor had responded. Well, all 3 were prescribed by the same doctor, only, my doctor must have been out of the office the day they called some other time and so there's a strange name on one of the prescriptions. No one can explain why my doctor didn't authorize the second one with his name on it. So, I'm trying to explain the whole problem to this multi pierced girl with a spike on her head. Meanwhile, Bionic Man has collected his electrical tape and is standing about 6 feet behind me calling my name over and over. Between the piercings and the spike and the name calling I am losing my concentration. So, I turned around and told him to please shut up for a minute. There was an audible gasp. How could I speak to a man with a cane like that? And there were quite a few people in line by now. And that was when I nearly was banned. But I made Bionic Man promise to blame Target and the spiky headed girl for my demise, in my obituary.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Facebook

Those who know me are aware of my extreme dislike for facebook. Believe me, I have tried to make sense of this social network tool. This year I was told that if I wanted to find a bunch of addresses I needed for an anniversary thing I was working on, that FB was the way to go. I think I was on it for hours, sometimes, and was lucky to glean one or two addresses and a microbe of valuable information. I have abandoned it again. But today is my birthday. Imagine, I'm getting scads of birthday wishes from people. Mind you, some of these people probably wouldn't stop to help me if I was bleeding and unconscious in the street, but they wish me a happy birthday. Some wouldn't even recognize me if they bumped into me. So, I asked #2 daughter if perhaps there was a birthday button you just pushed, and automatically the happy birthday went out, or if you actually had to type the words in. She assured me that you had to type it in yourself. So, I was complaining about how long it would take me to respond to each of these people, most of whom are faux friends. I was informed that there is a way to offer an equally impersonal response to everyone. Simply update your status. So, now I can get greetings from faux friends and send a faux response back. One more thing I can love about FB.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Peeved by peas

I went to the Farmers' Market this week and purchased a basket of sugar snap peas. It was labeled that way, I assumed that's what they were. But when I went to fix them tonight, thinking I only had to wash them and cooke them, I discovered that they were really, regular peas. This meant that not only did I now have to open them all and dump out the peas, but instead of having a nice pan full of peas, I had 3 tablespoons of peas. Fortunately I did not fix them Thursday night when I had company for dinner. That would have been a tad embarrassing. "Here are your 4 peas. Sorry about that, but they were just regular peas, not sugar snap." And while I was opening them all up, the rice burned. Talk about adding insult to injury. I am really peaved! (I spelled it that way on purpose.)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Rocket in my Pocket

I hate my cell phone. This one was to be an improvement over the last one, and it simply is not. It seems difficult to use, not intuitive at all, clumsy. And the list goes on. My offspring have demeaned me because I am not forever linked to this gadget. Frankly, if I'm at home I usually don't have it on my person, and sometimes I forget to turn it on when I leave the house. My ringtone has been changed several times and finally is on one, that I do hear. It is also now fixed to vibrate while it rings. In all the readjustments it now is louder than ever and when I turn it on, and put it in my pocket it sounds like I have a rocket in my pocket. Now, THAT is cool.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Chapter 5--The Crutch Incident

If you've been following our little adventure, you know we are now in Minneapolis. We were literally squeezed on the standby flight. We were the last 2 passengers to pass through that special door. However, being the last 2, there was no longer any overhead storage. By then we are not thinking clearly and we allowed them to throw our carry on bags into 'the hold' where ordinary luggage resides. We forgot that all of Wayne's medications were in his carry on bag, including the injectable blood thinner and the sharps disposable container. And Wayne is in severe pain by now and we are both tired. Whereas there were skycaps galore in Greenville and Atlanta, we find, upon disembarking in Minneapolis, that nary a one can be found. It was "Here's your wheel chair. Good luck." I could push the wheel chair until we arrived at baggage claim. That was worrying me. I can't possibly push the chair and handle the luggage. But Bionic Man insists that he can wheel the chair himself.

Bionic Man did concede to getting one of those smarte cartes, which was HUGE for him, the King of Frugal. But we had 2 ginormous suitcases, one medium one, 2 small carry ons, a walker, crutches and his wheel chair. And, guess what, the carry on with the medications is missing. I am standing there wondering how I am going to manage all this stuff on one cart. I can pile up the bags and put the walker on top, but the carte isn't that smarte, and has a wheel that isn't working right. You must have gotten a grocery cart like that at one time or another, but I'll bet you didn't have 150 pounds of stuff in it. I am pondering what to do with the crutches, and whether we will get our bag or not. Bionic Man is saying he can put the crutches between the 2 largest suitcases and I'm telling him it won't work. So, down by customer service/baggage issues, we are arguing, and it begins to escalate. I stomp off to deal with the customer service person. While I am gone, Bionic Man stands up, and takes everything off the cart and re-stacks it with the crutches sticking straight out about 4 feet in front of us. I was livid when I returned to see what he had done. We did get our bag back, but the sharps container thing was smashed. So, all the way to the elevator we are arguing. And I am wrestling with the recalcitrant cart.

We get to the elevator and sure enough, the cart is too long to get into the elevator. If the wheel had been functioning I might have been able to finagle my way around in a couple of hours, but I could see immediately this was not happening in my life time. I am so upset now, that I am tossing bags into the elevator, off the cart, until everything is inside. (I wondered later if they caught us on the surveillance cameras.) When I turned around to push the button, I noticed a sweet family of 4 waiting, wide eyed, a witness to the entire debacle. I smiled at them and said, "I think there's room for you." The mother just said, "Thanks, we'll take the next one."


Saturday, July 2, 2011

More on the Ant Wars

The other day when I went to run some bath water there were 2 ants and a spider in the tub. I almost freaked out. It became evident that they were coming up the water pipe. That is how they enter the house. Tonight I plan to sit up with my night vision goggles on and my ant bazooka.

I think this is Chapter 4

Fast forward to 3 days later. Bear in mind that the physical therapist has been there on Monday and issued him a walker which he can barely move in. We're talking about imperceptible movement here. And Bionic Man still maintains he will be out the next day for the birthday party of Will's. He was discharged and that's another saga. But Thursday we are due to return home. I have many misgivings here. First of all, we have 2 ginormous suitcases, and a medium sized one, which we check, and 2 carry ons. But now we also have a walker and crutches, and I have to manage alone. (Hand to forehead, Scarlett style) Sure, we will engage a profusion of skycaps, smarte cartes and so on, but still the task seems daunting.

It started out okay. We were met by a cheerful skycap and wheelchair. We were told when we checked our bags, that the flight was delayed. (I don't want to incriminate anyone by naming names here, but the name rhymes with Melta) This has become a common occurrence on Melta. So, we sit at the gate to wait. About 45 minutes into the wait we are informed by the cute, perky voice on the speaker that the plane is broken and thus, the flight canceled. However, they have provided us a BUS to make the journey from Greenville to Atlanta to catch our connecting flights. Yes, folks, a bus. I'm not sure if everyone was stunned, or still checking their calendars to see if this was April Fools' Day, or what, but no one moved. So the perky voice informed us that we had 15 minutes to get to the bus or it would leave without us. As we ran to the escalators I happened to catch the last information. "Oh, you will have to get your bags at the baggage claim too." And Let me tell you, she never told us just where the bus was, only that we had to be there in 15 minutes. Because we were impeded by a wheel chair, I heard that last announcement. Others were not as lucky. So what would have been a 40 minute flight, turned into a 3 hour bus ride.

Of course everyone missed their connections. We were on a guaranteed flight at 10 pm. But we were also on a standby at 5:30. We had thought we'd be home by 4:30. When we arrived at the standby gate, Wayne proudly handed me 2 meal vouchers he had been issued, 'for our inconvenience', each valued at $6. Wow. In an airport you're lucky if $6 will buy you a bag of chips. I squandered mine on a smoothie. Wayne wasted his. He was saving it incase we didn't make the standby flight, and it expired that day. (Another hand to forehead) We did make it on the standby flight and were home around 7:30.

More in chapter 5 to come.