The Hazards of Too Much Exercise

We were gone 17 days, and all time high for us. Almost everyday I heard Bionic Man bemoaning the fact that he couldn't get his exercise routine in and how out of shape he was getting and how his legs were sore from lack of exercise. I hated to gloat, but I had none of those problems because I rarely exercise. Tomorrow after he weighs himself I know he will have gained weight too. I probably won't have that issue either. So you see, there are positives to not exercising much. I know, I know, I must redeem myself and I shouldn't be proud of that. I'll work on it. I'm just trying to make lemonade from lemons.

Decoy Cards and Belly Buttons

I have figured it out! Whenever we stay at a hotel, my key card does not work. It doesn't matter whether we're at the Hyatt in New York City, or the Super 8 in London, Kentucky, Bionic Man has a card that works, and mine doesn't. Tonight I figured it out. He always uses a card and says, "See, it works fine. You take this one." Obviously, he has used it up before he gives it to me. I thought perhaps my magnetic personality was ruining the strip on the card, or mine was the decoy card, You know, like the decoy bag on the airport conveyor belt that keeps all the passengers hopeful. But, no, mine is simply used up.

Which brings me to subject #2, inexplicable teen girls. As we entered the elevator to go up to the third floor, 2 sweet young things, got off the elevator and apologized as they exited. They were wearing swimsuits, giggling, texting, and generally acting teen-like. We puzzled at what, exactly they were apologizing for. But we observed them later in the parking lot, in the lobby, all over, doing the same things, in the same attire. So, were they apologizing for their attire, their rudeness, or their general demeanor? Who can guess? I believe they were a part of a birthday party that was leaving about the time we returned from dinner. Everyone was wearing skinny, tight tops, and they were all about 30 pounds heavier than they should have been in those shirts. We wondered if it was a club for chubby teens, or a belly button organization of some kind.

Southern Speak

I am visiting in the South for 2 weeks. It's another country here, in case you have never been before. I feel like a foreigner. I am sure I stick out like a roll of fat under a belly shirt, by everything I do and say, but I suddenly realized this week that I have been pronouncing Greenville in a northern way. I must correct myself. We in the north would say Green-ville, long 'e', short 'i'. They say Green-vull, long 'e', short 'u', and sort of swallow the second syllable. I'm practicing. I doubt I'll ever fit in. (Hand to forehead here--'Oh, Rhett, whatever will I do?')

Pinky and the Brain

Does anyone remember Animaniacs and those characters, Pinky and the Brain? As we were traveling along today from Ohio to South Carolina, using a GPS, I thought of Pinky and the Brain. (As a little aside here, I remember when my daughter was in 5th grade the teacher gave them all pencils with their names on them for Christmas, and everyone thought it ever so humorous that the boy in the class named 'Brian', got pencils that said 'Brain' on them. But I digress.) We were both getting quite annoyed with the lady inside the box. She does not even allow you to stop for food or gas without getting verklempt and becoming very agitated. You start trying to do whatever she says just to keep her happy. So I decided that it would make a great story for Pinky and the Brain, who, if you remember, were always hatching plots to take over the world. In this episode they would take over everyone's GPS and direct people to obey them and go the same place. No one would be allowed to eat or go to the bathroom until they complied.

Best and Worst

A friend of mine told me this morning that her city ranks among the most depressed cities in the US. So she was wondering exactly how they arrived at this conclusion, and what data they used. And I wanted to know if it was depressed emotionally, or economically. So I asked her to take a walk outside and see if there were unusually large numbers of people who were walking around with shoulders slumped, looking dejected. Or is it rather based on a higher than average per capita sales of valium. Also, if the area was depressed economically, I suppose that would cause people to be depressed emotionally also. So then I wanted to know how, exactly, she was feeling and if she had frequent thoughts of suicide. If everyone around you was bummed out, I think you might get that way too. It might tend to be contagious. I think sje should move.

Have you ever considered where they arrive at those other lists they make of the greatest cities to live in, or the most dangerous cities? Do you self nominate for the good titles? and do rivals of your city nominate you for the bad ones? Who does this? Another city we visit is supposed to be the best biking city. This clearly is not anywhere near the case, as there are no bicycle lanes on streets and everyone pretty much drives like a maniac. You would be a fool to ride a bike there. Who gave them that title? Must have been someone who doesn't ride a bike except the stationary kind, in a gym. Does that count?

It's way too early on a Saturday to be thinking about such things.

Hair and Turkeys

It's almost too much, but I noticed the other day that my big toes are growing hair. It's just the big toes, thank goodness. But I'm at a loss as to what I should do about it. I mean, will it keep getting longer and longer? I never heard of hirsute toes. When sandal season comes, whatever will I do? I'm already concocting a plan. I think I might try braiding and beading. I am open for suggestions.

I know, in light of this new development, everything else pales, but today we had turkeys at the feeders today. They are rude, and loud, and pushy, and we do not like them. They are actually worse than the squirrels. All I know is that Bionic Man raced upstairs and out onto the deck in his underwear this morning to chase them off the deck.

Chaos in the Universe

Yes, there is chaos. I filled the squirrel feeder this afternoon. Having a squirrel feeder is my way of compromising with the little blighters. Bionic Man says I am putting them all on welfare, AFDS, as it were, and I should stop. But if I provide corn and peanuts to them, they generally leave the 'bird' feeders alone. I guess there is the toe-hanger who cannot be deterred. But this afternoon, things got out of hand. I really think I saw one of the grays chase a brown one off the edge of the deck. I thought for a moment that he had just run over the edge and was hanging there waiting to come back when the bully squirrel retreated, but I watched for quite a while, and he never did come back. I don't want to go downstairs and look for a small squirrel body, smashed on the rocks. It's almost too much.

Then there was the flight we were on 2 weeks ago. The person giving us instructions before we took off, was speaking with a thick dialect of some sort, and was barely intelligible. I am pretty sure he said we should put our 'Hairy' items in the overhead compartments. I was also pretty sure Bionic Man would not fit in the overhead compartment. It turns out they let him ride in his assigned seat. This was good news.